thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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