8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
