i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
