I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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