no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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