mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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