You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Drunk is a universal language darling
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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