dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
