I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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