I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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