I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
