Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
