so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize