i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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