Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize