so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
