Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
