Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
