Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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