I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
