I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
