Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
