every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
pop tarts are not kleenex
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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