ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize