Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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