theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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