is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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