I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
