My first STD was from a foam party
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
