What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
