I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
