Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
