he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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