he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
