Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
