you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
