Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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