what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
