You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
