an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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