Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
