So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
