i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
