You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
