so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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