If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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