Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
