I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
