I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
