Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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