this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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