I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I need water and some morals
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize