hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
