On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
