I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
