Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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