She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
