You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize