I hate your face
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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