Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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