T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
