Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
