can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
