I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
People in love make me want to vomit
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
