I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
