The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
