So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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