He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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