wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
