so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
