can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Send help, water and tortillas.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
