just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
