ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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