There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
