He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
