we made out on top of his cat.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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