Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
