She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
