Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
