Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
someone owes me an orgasm
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
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