on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
