i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
