Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
