Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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