I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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