My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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