three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
