she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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