Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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