a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
