I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
