and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize