did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
