Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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