She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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