While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
