oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
