And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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