Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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