TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
