my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
