dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
