i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
