Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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