"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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