I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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