You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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