just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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