In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
