Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
