My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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