You just made me feel so damn special
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
